So: There was this girl and she used to have this blog, right? And she used to write in it, ya know?

Uh-huh…sure she did.

So, here I go again…on my own?

No! WHITESNAKE!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

WHY GOD, WHY???????

WHY GOD, WHY???????

I’m very sorry if you have that song in your head for the rest of the day BUT I DO TOO SO JUST FUCKING DEAL!

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Dearest Reader, I am trying to blog again. I swear, I’m gonna put it on the to-do list. After French practice, guitar practice, prepointe ankle exercises, unpacking my new apartment, working on dress prototypes for a business startup, and attempting to appear to have a social life.

I promise.

Updates since I last spoke wrote at you:

  • “Boy” from previous posts is still around. Good on ‘im.
  • I took another trip to Seattle and took two more classes at my favorite studios there: Exit Space and Belltown Ballet.
SEEEEEE-ATL! Come for the see and stay to see the World Famous atl.

SEEEEEE-ATL!
Come for the see and stay to see the World Famous atl.

  • And I still highly, highly recommend Belltown Ballet if you are in Seattle for a day or so…it is the least fancy and most fun of any of the studios I’ve vistied. (Why does ballet have to be so snobby?) They even have live piano accompaniment in the beginner classes. Photographic proof of general adorability/awesomeness:
Colorful lockers. Once cute!

Colorful lockers. Once cute!

Stuff on the wall screams...TWICE CUTE!

Stuff on the wall screams…TWICE CUTE!

The instructor staying after class to sing with the pianist. I give up...hand 'em the trophy.

The instructor staying after class to sing with the pianist. I give up…hand ’em the trophy.

  • I have been using the prepointe shoes and they are fun! And sorta painful. I only use them once a week at my barre class. I have read quite a few opinions about super-usefulness/complete futility of prepointe shoes, and my verdict is that they are worth a shot. I bought mine for $25 online, so it’s not a huge investment. Even if you only learn to sew your ribbons and elastic, how to tie the suckers and how to walk around without bashing into things, it’s worth the cash. My goal is to start pointe at the beginning of next year, so I guess I will let you lovely folks know how it works out for me.
  • I am still going to the Berkeley Ballet Theater adult “summer shape-up” intensive in August. And in my rush to build up my endurance and strength…and move all my things up and down stairs, I have managed to hurt my left knee again.
Fitness Girl Says: Ahya...kewl. I got sum kinda runner'sjumper'sbumper's knee and gotta not train forever and stare at my VMO all day and be all like WORK DAM U aaaaaaand it jus won't listen...ya know?

Fitness Girl Says: Ahya…kewl. I got sum kinda runner’sjumper’sbumper’s knee and gotta not train forever and stare at my VMO all day and be all like WORK DAM U aaaaaaand it jus won’t listen…ya know?

Well, I took a week off and so far the knee is starting to get better. I recently learned that almost all my joints can hyperextend to a disgusting degree, and standing on my nasty bent-backwards leg all the time is messing it up. Darn. Expect a lot of posts about my journey through hyperextension. I might change the name of the blog to that….(read as a Lifetime Movie Network voice-over actor) Tonight, A Journey Through Hyperextension: One Girl’s Monotonous Attempts At Having Not-Weird Bendo Legs.

Inspiring, I know.

  • I DID A DOUBLE PIROUTTE! And I have absolutely no idea how it happened. So….
  • I started renting a studio for my design/sewing work. I am working on my prototypes again and feel almost like a Professional Adult-Type Design Person. Five years out of college….IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME!

Geez, calm down there weirdo writer lady….

I WILL NOT! OKAY…I will…BUT NOT BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO!

Ooooooooooh….kay.

  • I am less than a year away from paying off my student loans. After five years of ramen and tiny living, they will be officially paid off January 22, 2016. (For an idea of the pain, the beginning balance was $45,000. You guys know what I’m talking about.)
  • I have not died of not eating meat! Take that, Montana!
I saw a guy wearing this shirt at the fair and I was all: GUD'S NOT A REAL AND AMINALZ ARE PEOPLZ AND U SHUD JUS GO AWAY! (Okay, only part of that story is true.)

I saw a guy wearing this shirt at the fair and I was all: GUD’S NOT A REAL AND AMINALZ ARE PEOPLZ AND U SHUD JUS GO WAY! (Okay, only part of that story is true.)

  • And finally…I called the cops on a bar to make a noise complaint. I feel like that’s the weirdest thing ever. Also, I live above a sports bar now. Why? Because I don’t drink or eat fried meat or watch sports…THAT’S WHY! No temptation! What am I supposed to do? Live above a vegan donut shop/discount leotard store/free dresses dealer????

Sssssank you and goodnight. Uhmean….good day.

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Prepointe Shoes/Adult Training Wheels

I bought training wheels!

Shoes!!!!!

So here’s my current progress on fixing up some prepointe (pre pointe? pre-pointe?) shoes. I have managed to get the ribbons and elastic on… and I beat the fucking shit out of them by stepping all over them (I assume that’s part of the process).

Why prepointe shoes? Well, I do have a goal of starting pointe next January (two year balletversary) and I thought it would be good to learn how to drive these suckers on dry land. Also, I’m impatient and…ooh look! Pretty shoes!

So there.

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I am also cutting the vamp into a V shape and reattaching the binding on the advice of my instructor. I’ll post more on that later. Luckily for me, I’m a sewer first and a dancer second. 

A list of awesome stuff about sewing pointe shoes (even if you’re not going on pointe any time soon):

  • Fuck yeah…BALLET CRAFTS! 
  • I finally have an excuse to sew with dental floss.
  • RIBBONS!
  • I’ve altered almost every type of garment, but it never occurred to me to alter my shoes. New newness!
  • It gives me something to do while I eat garlic bread.

 

Ballet + Crafts + Carbs = FUCK YEAH!

 
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So…yeah. I’ll try to stop being new-relationship-girl and actually take some time to blog.

In other news…I’m finally up to three classes a week! Woot and double woot!

Hi and bye!

Poem

I’m in love, and that gives me the right to be obnoxious. I am taking that out on you, Dear Reader. Here is a poem. And since it’s a poem, all grammatical and spelling errors are intentional. I thought about them! That makes them art!!1!

❤ Kathleen

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We’re not built for this shit (antenna)

 

 

All the signals burn

and you try to turn down the volume

but the frequency is still too strong

and you can’t seem to tune out–

be numb or be burned.

 

Look at everyone

with all their tuning knobs

modulating all patterns at once.

 

We’re left without a simple off switch

just a blanket to cover

to muffle some of the electricity.

 

Every inch of bandwidth is like lightning

               –content makes no difference

caught perpetually processing

unceasing sensory input destroying

the delicate wires inside.

 

come stand beside me

and let me be your mirror

we can stand together

pointed to the sky

and as the lightning strikes

at least you’ll know that

you’re not the only one who scorches from end to end

 

and if we can’t bend any other way

at least we can try to fade each other’s signals

attenuate the world for each other

flatten our surface for the sake of sanity

Time Off…

  Due to random, clumsy foot injuries and a mean case of pharyngitis, I have missed three ballet classes and am going through serious withdrawal! I’m just gonna dress like a grunge ballerina until I get to go to class again. It’ll have to do.

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On the other hand, I was lucky enough to meet this awesome boy who kept me company while I was on the mend…

Ooh! Kathleen has a boyfriend! Nana nanana-na-NAH!

Calm down, Dear Reader. I’m still the same pissy weirdo that you remember. Maybe just a slightly cheerier pissy weirdo. 

Ode to Online Dating

Confession time!

Confession 1: I have been attempting to date.

Confession 2: I have been attempting to date women and men (I’m not known for being into boys…har har).

Confession 3: I have been attempting to date online. 

GASP!!!! What is wrong with you, my dear girl?

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Okay, it hasn’t been that bad. I’ve talked to some pretty interesting people and had some decent conversations. I’ve even been on a few dates! The main downside in Montana is the lack of females…I’m starting to feel like a straight girl. 

  

Well, I guess you have to go with the flow.

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For those of you who have not had the pleasure/horror of using online dating sites, here is a statistical breakdown of the messages received by a bi girl in Montana. Yes, I actually took the time to count these.

29% Messages that just say “Hi” “Hello” “What’s up?” Or something equally pointless/vacuous.

1% Messages from girls who appear to be single and bi/gay. 😦 Low numbers here.

1% Messages from married women who want someone to join in with them and their husbands. (This is why I’m not on PoF anymore. Something about a profile mentioning a bi girl looking for an LTR just screams “I wanna be your bf’s birthday present this year!” I’m a human being, not a birthday cake.)

3% Messages from dudes in cowboy hats. Next.

2% Messages from dudes pridefully holding fish or other assorted dead animals. Next.

8% Dudes that refer to you as “Sexy!” or “Hey, cutie!” Arg. No. 

Sample size: 88 messages 

Not a complete stat analysis but hey, let’s get to the good stuff! Here are my fav messages so far. My fav I mean weirdest/funniest/most entertaining, not the ones that have actually been interesting or seeming to lead somewhere. I will spare those poor folks.

Let’s start strong! This guy is blocked for obvious reasons. Couldn’t you at least start with a pleasant greeting before mentioning pegging?

Yes, I actually took the time to start out by saying something horribly passive-aggressive.

  

Wow! I’m impressed by how many messages I get from other countries. Maybe this is a hobby for people?

 

…I guess I would say, “No thanks” and hope that you didn’t follow me home to kill me and use my human leather to bind your notebooks.

  

Woah! Polite, complimentary Parisians! I’ll take it. 🙂

  

Yes, how dare they.

  

A poet! Swoooooooon…

  

THANK U!!!

This post is dedicated to the dating masses of the world, and to the few pleasant, interesting people I have chatted with online. Thank you for attempting to keep my faith in humanity alive.

The First Performance!

Ahh, my first dance performance. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Well, I mean it was actually two days ago.

But I remember it like it was yesterday…

Let the masturbatory self interviewing session commence!

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BE THE WATER!

BE THE WATER!

What sort of performance was it?

It was a classical ballet piece choreographed by a local dance maven. The theme was water. I became the water.

Why did you choose to be in this production?

It was for charity, so I figured if I fell on my face or ran into one of the other dancers on stage that the Universe or the Cosmic Muffin or whatever would forgive me at the Ultimate Time of Reckoning.

What was the hardest part about performing the piece?

All of the parts that didn’t involve just wearing the pretty skirt…like learning the choreography, remembering where the venue was, etc.

What did you like most about the experience?

It gave me the motivation learn to pas de chat without looking like a deranged leprechaun.

Would you like to be in another dance production?

I spent three months of my life rehearsing to learn a 4:06 piece that I will perform once. Of course I will do it again.

What was it like to be one of the less experienced dancers learning the piece?

It was like getting a learner’s permit at 40 when everyone else at the DMV is 15. Mildly humiliating and then TOTALLY FUCKING WORTH IT.

What was your favorite part of performing?

Proving to myself that I could do it, I guess. And the not falling down or dying part was also a plus.

What was your motivation for trying to perform?

I figured after a year of telling people I was taking ballet, and hearing the nagging demands of “Do some ballet!” and “When’s your recital??” I figured this meant that I should attempt to learn a complete piece. I mean, I tried to show everyone my badass center pliés with full port de bras and they were all…”Is that Tai Chi or some shit?”

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For realz tho…

All of my adult beginners, of all stripes–especially ballerinas–just get up there and do it. When I started this process I wasn’t able to remember the tendu combinations in class, let alone 4 minutes of choreo. I didn’t know how to do about 25% of the technique of the piece correctly. Performing for people can really push you to learn quickly and try new things.

But it will not help you remember tendu combos. ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO TENDU EN CROIX!

(Updated) Finding an Adult Ballet Intensive…

…is hard. Too hard, I say.

I mean, what kind of person doesn’t want to use their week off and entire vacation budget to travel across the country in order to dance for 6-8 hours a day?

What’s that you say? You don’t want to spend your entire vacation working out?

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Well, since I couldn’t possibly afford the ever-popular Sun King Dance Camp offered in Richmond, I had to keep searching to find a place to wear myself out on my vacation this year.

So I kept searching. And searching. And searching.

Maybe if I chew on it….?

I’m sure I spent a good five hours Googling before I found an adult intensive that would take beginners over 18…and would actually reply to my emails.

But now the search is over! I’m officially signed up to go to the Berkeley Ballet Theater‘s adult summer shape up intensive. The tuition is far more affordable, I can stay with friends in the Bay Area, and they actually responded to my email! Bonus.

Are any of you other grown-ass ballerinas going to an intensive this summer? Lemme hear ya. Maybe we can meet up for vegan pancakes or some jazz.
UPDATE:  BBT has had their website re-did…the link has been updated! They recommend 2-3 years of experience but I figure 1.625 will suit me just fine. I’m very used to being at the back of the class. See you there!