Ode to Online Dating

Confession time!

Confession 1: I have been attempting to date.

Confession 2: I have been attempting to date women and men (I’m not known for being into boys…har har).

Confession 3: I have been attempting to date online. 

GASP!!!! What is wrong with you, my dear girl?

———————————————————

Okay, it hasn’t been that bad. I’ve talked to some pretty interesting people and had some decent conversations. I’ve even been on a few dates! The main downside in Montana is the lack of females…I’m starting to feel like a straight girl. 

  

Well, I guess you have to go with the flow.

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For those of you who have not had the pleasure/horror of using online dating sites, here is a statistical breakdown of the messages received by a bi girl in Montana. Yes, I actually took the time to count these.

29% Messages that just say “Hi” “Hello” “What’s up?” Or something equally pointless/vacuous.

1% Messages from girls who appear to be single and bi/gay. 😦 Low numbers here.

1% Messages from married women who want someone to join in with them and their husbands. (This is why I’m not on PoF anymore. Something about a profile mentioning a bi girl looking for an LTR just screams “I wanna be your bf’s birthday present this year!” I’m a human being, not a birthday cake.)

3% Messages from dudes in cowboy hats. Next.

2% Messages from dudes pridefully holding fish or other assorted dead animals. Next.

8% Dudes that refer to you as “Sexy!” or “Hey, cutie!” Arg. No. 

Sample size: 88 messages 

Not a complete stat analysis but hey, let’s get to the good stuff! Here are my fav messages so far. My fav I mean weirdest/funniest/most entertaining, not the ones that have actually been interesting or seeming to lead somewhere. I will spare those poor folks.

Let’s start strong! This guy is blocked for obvious reasons. Couldn’t you at least start with a pleasant greeting before mentioning pegging?

Yes, I actually took the time to start out by saying something horribly passive-aggressive.

  

Wow! I’m impressed by how many messages I get from other countries. Maybe this is a hobby for people?

 

…I guess I would say, “No thanks” and hope that you didn’t follow me home to kill me and use my human leather to bind your notebooks.

  

Woah! Polite, complimentary Parisians! I’ll take it. 🙂

  

Yes, how dare they.

  

A poet! Swoooooooon…

  

THANK U!!!

This post is dedicated to the dating masses of the world, and to the few pleasant, interesting people I have chatted with online. Thank you for attempting to keep my faith in humanity alive.

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